?

Log in

Strange Dreams

Yes, my titles are oh so creative I know. Oddly enough it is 2:30 on a Wednesday morning and I still cannot fall asleep. Just as I was drifting off I started to remember bits and pieces of last nights unconscious adventures and they weren't exactly fantastic. I don't necessarily think it was a nightmare, but then again I guess it could be. I really need to stop thinking in such extremes. I tend to not believe a dream is a nightmare unless jolt awake drenched in sweat and unable to catch your breath. I had the same problem with the idea of being drunk though. I used to think that you weren't drunk until you couldn't remember most of the night and ended up throwing up. I of course now realize that that is just plain shitfaced...and undesirable.

Anyways the Strange Dreams!

I vaguely remember how it began but not a whole lot. I was in this house that I didn't recognize . In there with me was this man and a bunch of teenagers. I don't know I guess it was like a weird hostage situation. Then the next thing I remember was running from the house and I was all of a sudden in a dark mall corridor. I'm talking nearly pitch black here. The only thing that really provided any light were the neon signs and the glowing necklaces in some of the shops. (It's nice to see my love of glow in the dark necklaces transfers over into dreamland). So I slide into this random shop and hide behind the counter from the man that was in the house. This time he had a gun though. The man begins shooting random mannequins and windows to scare me from my hiding place, which obviously works. I can't even be a super woman in my dreams! How sad. This is where it starts to get a little fuzzy again. I remember standing up shaking and he started waving the gun ranting. I remember he asked me if I remembered anything yet and weird stuff like that.

Yea it was very random which is not different from any of my other dreams but this one stuck out at me for some reason. I'm sure there was more to it too. I wish we didn't lose so much of our memory as soon as we wake up. Maybe I'll start recording some in a journal or something. That way I can actual spend time thinking about the dreams and not getting so frustrated because I cannot remember certain aspects of the dream. It's especially irritating when I have the tip of the tongue thing going on like with that last scene in my dream.
It also brings up the "Are dreams a way of telling you something" or "Are they simply just a way to entertain your brain while you sleep" debate.

Blah blah rant rant

Ok, this is gonna sound totally and completely bonkers, but I must do something about it. Like many people, I fear death. Yea I know it's stupid...It's uncontrollable. At night though when I'm trying to fall asleep the thoughts of it will creep into my mind and then I sometimes feel as though I can't breathe. This isn't a new thing mind you, it's been happening since the 2nd grade. Anyways, I was dealing with it for a while, and I completely forget about it during the day. Now though, I can't watch horror movies or it'll trigger another episode (lacking a better phrase). Now I either physically cannot fall asleep or I will purposefully stay awake. I know logically that the body needs rest to be able to function blah blah blah. Yet the crazy part of my brain insists that life is too short and I need to spend as much time LIVING as possible. So here I am awake at 2 in the morning. I'm just worried this is getting to a point where it's gonna be start becoming unhealthy. Like I keep feeling dizzy and will occasionally even fall over but I can't tell if it's because of my anemia or my insomnia.
Hopefully it's nothing

Angst Fest, you've been warned.

I hate English right now. This stupid comparison contrast paper has me all sorts of confused. I can't even string together 8 paragraphs so that it sounds like a semi-intelligent paper. It's nights like these that I wonder if I'm cut out for all of this. How am I going to survive college if I can't 15 credits and a job? I'm not even in the real world yet and I'm already failing to meet my goals.
I just want to prove I can do it...


Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto,
That gets me through the night.
I ain't gonna do what I don't want to,
I'm gonna live my life.
Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice,
Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly.
When the world gets in my face,
I say, Have A Nice Day.
Have A Nice Day.
>:)

Oct. 21st, 2010

Old habit die hard.

Ow! My scalp is apparently irritated!!

Dying my hair right now and boy is it itchy! It's the last time for a while that I'm doing this because my hair has been through hell this summer! lol. Had my open house yesterday! It was amazing! I am an incredibly lucky girl with a ton of people that love me! I do have to do thank you cards soon though. I'm so bad at those...lol. I got a whole new wardrobe kind of. I could use a few more shirts but I'm all set on jeans for a while. My booty is happy to be in pants that fit and that are not constantly falling off.

Also have a new game plan to prevent the freshmen 15. Not counting calories but definitely counting what I eat from now on. Like today was a bad day because all I had was two pieces of cheeseburger pizza. So much for nutrients huh? I got to get better though because I'm starting to feel even worse about myself. It will all work out though I hope.

Bed time now!!

P.s Scott Pilgrim Vs. The world is an awesome movie!!!

Huh.

Wow, only one week of vacation left! It's insane! I start college soon and I have so say, not that I have my books, I am super duper nervous!!!
I mean, I'm going to work my ass off to achieve what I want but I still have the little doubts in my head sometimes.

In other news, my open house is Saturday!! I'm so pumped! It's going to be a blast! =D.
Just a tiny update =)

Guess what time it is!

It's ranting time, that's the time!! So I went to my bank today to get some money out so me and Mel could rent a movie. I was supposed to be paid $130.00 for last weeks work schedule and I'm supposed to be paid every Monday. When I tried to take out $20.00 it told me I had insufficient funds. I also cannot access my online bank account. Needless to say, I have not been paid for working and I can't even check to see if something went wrong. So now I have to get up early to go talk to the bank about all the problems I'm having to see if they even received my direct deposit.

The plus side, I'm having a "Sister Date" with Mel. It's pretty fun hanging out with her, I mean it's been a while what with the work schedule and trying to have social life with my friends which is uuber hard. I seem to be the one that always has to arrange things, which is fine most of the time. But sometimes I want to be the one who gets asked to do stuff. I know everyone is busy though with their own lives/boyfriends/jobs. Who knows, maybe something will change.

Wowza..

I've been so busy!! I just recently got a job as a cashier. So far my shifts have been afternoon shifts, which is awesome for sleeping in, but not so awesome for having a life. I've been adjusting very well to it though. So far after work I've been going to go see Zack for a couple hours. It all started on my second night and no one was home, I didn't want to go home just to be by myself, so I just stopped over there and we've been having some really nice chats. It's nice =). Another positive is I'll be able to pay for my own gas and also for my own stuff! I'm slightly independent!! Yay!!
I do have to go to bed at a decent hour tonight, Alli is coming over tomorrow and we're going to have a Criminal Minds marathon! Woo! It's so awesome that she's addicted now, I have even more people to fangirl with, muahahaha!
^_^

God I suck!!!

I can't believe I forgot my own grandma's birthday....after all that she's done for me. Her birthday is April 7th, It's safe to say I SSSSSUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKK!!!!! God I've never hated myself more than at this moment. =(